Learning to love again
Seeing Mike 2k2 and 2k3 and the vast difference in interpersonal interactions and attitudes, noticing my inability to let people finish their thoughts without commandeering them, and wanting to listen instead of just waiting for my turn to speak (wording from Fight Club). It's as if conversation has become a game for me, and I hate it. Depersonalizing/dehumanizing, objectifying, I/it instead of I/Thou

This is where I've been over the past ten months, wanting to get my heart back, and finding my thoughts echoed in a Caedmon's Call song, taken from 40 Acres.

This old heart's been left
Out on my sleeve
and I have paid as it's been rent
into pieces

Seems everyone I've loved has
Taken a bit of my insides
I'm scattered as the woman whose body
Was torn for the twelve tribes

When did my heart get so petrified
when did it get so hard to feel
when did my heart get so afraid to love
when did it get so hard

And the easy-living Gnostic proud
Use their knowledge
Like a wrecking ball to tear me down
Flooding me with their fallacies
I can't walk on this water
I'm starting to drown

Strike this rock with your rod
I'll take the blows
Till your living water begins to flow
as it flowed from the man of sorrow's sides
on that day when his body
was torn for the twelve tribes

Lyrics taken from Caedmon's Call Song Vault