Work in Progress

Baseball, Seminary, Wrestling, and the Dreams and Days of one Mike Work's Angeles experience

Sunday, August 03, 2003

Other recent occurrences (I'm splitting by incident for readability/sortability purposes)

After spending last Sunday at Clemson and Keowee, I drove back to Atlanta and I could only think about my inadequacies, whether physical, athletic, social/comment-related, attitude, etc. The dominant thought was 'how can these people ever put up with me?' especially after recognizing my interpersonal impatience, which usually emerges in avoidance of people whom I don't want to be around/speak with, furtive mockery, or minimizing such interactions to the point where I can't be annoyed beyond my 'limits.'

And my frustrations with my society, whether it be individualism or consumerism, to name the two most prominent, are microcosmized in myself. While stressing the importance of community, I isolate and withdraw when it comes to putting it into practice. Is this hypocrisy? It seems to fit my definition, which, in short, is 'sucks.'

The realization is that my life is not just for my personal pleasures, but that it is rather to be shared, and that I'll never reach that point where all of my felt needs are met and I can go from there, content with myself, but, yes, I am truly in need, and I'm not the only one. Hurt, and pain, and suffering are real, on levels which I have never felt, and to which I cannot compare. And yet I have something to offer, no matter how inadequate I consider myself, and that it is clear from such consideration that I am not it, Mike is not a panacea.

These thoughts are very jumbled, and I would like to revise/tie together/elaborate, and may do so soon, but for now, I want to put everything on-screen as the first step.


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